11 de Agosto 2021

FELIX UNGER

Remember Felix? Felix is the neat-freak character in the 1970’s sitcom who, thrown out along with his frying pan by his wife, takes up residence with his long-time friend, Oscar Madison, a sportswriter with a pronounced proclivity for disorder.

All of us, I suppose, have an inclination toward one of these two positions on dirt and disorder. I’m not talking about a compulsive disorder, but just an interest or no interest at all when one sees a tv commercial about what such and such product will do for you. Here’s a short list of cleaning products I found on some 400 pages on Amazon.com. There is no reason for messiness.

  • kitchen dish brushes (where else would these be used but in a kitchen?)
  • microfiber cloth
  • paper towels
  • disinfecting wipes
  • cleaning paste
  • PVC cleaning gloves
  • autofiber scrubbing/cleaning tools (notice the nuance of ‘scrubbing)
  • toilet wands
  • wet mopping cloth (there must also exist a dry mopping cloth)
  • dishwasher cleaner (this refers to a machine)
  • extra durable cleaning durafoam pads
  • dual action dishwasher cleaner (maybe the similar cleaner listed above is mono-action)
  • carpet spot remover
  • non-scratch scrub sponges
  • microfiber spin mop
  • drain clog dissolve liquid
  • toilet tablets
  • glass cooktop cleaner and polish (why settle for just clean?)
  • extendable tub and tile scrubber
  • laundry booster (this is for the detergent, not the actual laundry)
  • glass cleaner
  • hardwood floor cleaner
  • FURemover broom (get it?)
  • bottle cleaning tablets
  • mold and mildew remover spray
  • leather conditioner
  • stainless steel wipes

I’ve been fortunate to have had a ‘cleaning person’ for the last thirty years. I have never seen most of these products used by any of them. They must know better than to believe that products and tools for cleaning are the answer to every mess. As the name of a paper towel brand suggests, “Brawn” is a key to cleanliness.

Now that I am on my own to clean, I wonder if becoming compulsive might become a problem. After all, I have a lot of free time to google solutions to filthy problems. In fact, just this morning I made a paste of baking soda and water and smeared it on my glass shower door and sprayed it with warm white vinegar. This should clean up some soap scum and calcium build-up. If not cleaner, then I am dealing with a serious problem…an etched glass panel. In this case, nothing can be done save to replace the glass. That’s tempting for the sake of looking clean and neat, but I don’t own the apartment so this will be a matter of adapting to one’s environment. A bonified Felix Unger, I suspect could never adapt.

Published by Thomas

Retired from active priestly ministry in the Catholic Church; former Benedictine monk; francophile; Holocaust researcher; Delta One Million Miler; Ex-Patriated American to the Republic of Panama

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